I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
