drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
soo... how was my night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
