Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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