youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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