Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
