ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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