I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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