his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
