my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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