Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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