you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
