I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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