The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize