Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
