Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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