i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize