Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Porn is love you can see.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
