Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
