I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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