I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
