first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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