Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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