I'm sorry my penis didn't work
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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