You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
