I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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