You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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