Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
