He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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