I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
