I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
