What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
