Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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