My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
