we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
