does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
