The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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