I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
