When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
