i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
