I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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