I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
