I think my vagina is haunted
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
