i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
