Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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