we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
