worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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