just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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