my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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