dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
