hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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