If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
