I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
