you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He passed out mid-signature
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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