At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
