I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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