You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
