if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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