There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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