i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
