my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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