i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize