First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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