I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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