So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All the doctor said was why
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
