will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
