Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
