the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
