just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
