it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize