If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need to sanitize my soul.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
